तिम्रो आँखा

तिम्रो याद मा यो कविता कोर्दैछु
तिमि त कहाँ बुझ्छौ र यो पीडा
समयले ल्याएको यो दुरी नियाल्दै छु
अनि त्यो दिन झल्झली सम्झना

निर्दयी त के भनू, तिमिमा हामी प्रति माया थियो र,
बिबशता खै किन भनू, तिम्रो प्रवृति देखेर,
समय बित्दै गयो अनि हाम्रो अविरल प्रयत्न
तिमि आउथेउ हावासरि ति मुटु फुटाईदिन,

तिमि अहिले कहाँ बुझ्छौ र यो कुरा, जब बुझ्छौ तिमि,
समयले डाडा काटी सक्नेछ, अनि क्षितिज पारि खोज्नु हाम्लाई,
हामी तेती खेर के गर्न सक्छौ र, केवल एक दर्शक हुने सिवाय
तिमि हुनेछौ हाम्रो स्थानमा भन्छन नि स्याउ कदापी अंगुर को बोट मुनि झर्दैन
अनि तिमि एउटा चिठी लेख्नु, माफी माग्न होइन प्रयास्चित को लागि!

In my own words

I ran after life,
I ran like a mad dog,
With so much attachment, so much ties,
Forgot to create a line in between,

Now, I wonder what I actually ran for,
I recall the moments, and regale the stories to myself,
With lonely soul solacing itself,
As a kid, I ran to be the one,
The one that parents wanted me to be,
The one that teachers always admired,
The one my neighbors wanted their kids to emulate,
And I wasted my childhood just like water poured in pile of sand,
As a boy, I ran to secure a future,
Sacrificing all my joys, and inner interests,
Had desires to travel the world,
Capture the moments in my eyes,
That I could reflect on to my future generations,
Did I get the time to do what I wanted?
Did I get it accomplished?
Sigh….sigh…Oh, I wish now, oh I wish…
Wish I knew future is uncertain back then,
My teenage days went just like that,
And in a flash I became an adult.

This metamorphosis was predictable,
Job, family, responsibility, and so on,
A voice would echo in my ears all those years,
“Did you get it done? Did you embark on your mission?”
I went deaf to all those voices,
Oh I wish..sigh…sign, Oh, I wish, there was still a time then,
Time to accomplish what I long wanted,
I just let it go with the pile of responsibility,
Now my role has changed, further designation were on the way,
Son, turned to a husband, to a dad, and in no time, grand-dad,
Sitting on a front porch, I roll in the swing,
With a vague memory of what I did when I was 30,
“Must have been 35 years”-my inner self replied,
My grand-son pushes the swing,
I close my eyes, and tell it to myself,
Oh, my dreams were just a dream.
Caught up in this world, caught up in the world of intricacy.

A Solace

Life was easier before,
Until you tagged along,
On the shores, green mosses,
Lichens that I could see through,
A hefty dive into the ocean,
I thought my heart blew,
Then a sudden- “Hi, How are you?”
I nodded, smiled and walked away,
I sat on a huge, cold rock, overseeing the white ship,
A gentle breeze whistles in my ears,
I lie on my back, and watch the sky,
Dark clouds juggling around the bright sun,
The sun tries to penetrate through them,
Fails, succeeds, and fails again,
Blue sky no longer exists,
I closed my eyes, and take a deep breath,
All I could hear smooth tides hitting the rock-bed,
My heartbeat slows down,
I pretended I could see everything,
Three little kids playing on the shore,
Jumping in and out of water,
Their screams, laughter reminds me of my childhood,
I strolled down the beach for a while,
To find a place where I hide,
My emotions, feelings, and the tears,
I gather immense pleasure in my solitude.

Beyond life

A cup of tea sat on the table front of us,
With an ash tray, and some tiny bits of cigars,
And those fascinating words flew like a river,
Persistent, flawless, and strong as ever,
And I got to see a glimpse of your life,
That has never been exposed before.

Like a flower with its broken petals,
An insect swings by to draw its nectar,
Only finds out the nectar has been dried a long time ago,
I tried to comprehend where it began but in vain,
I delved between the lines for long,
To only discover I'm still perplexed,

Slippery as the muddy road after a heavy monsoon,
And those green algae that grows on the rocks,
I trembled with every word of yours,
My heartbeat pounding as been never before,
I hide all my anxieties beneath my legs,
Yet your face was as tranquil as the blue ocean,
You took a sip of tea, and lit on a cigar,
A white cloud of the smoke covers the table,
I, anxiously, waited for the next word,
With my lips closed, hands clutched together, and eyes focused,
In fact, a sudden throb of my heart was enough,
To make me realize I was still alive.

The white cloud got bigger and bigger,
Your gestures, and words still as articulate as it could be,
I see your eyes squinted to avoid the cloud,
An intermittent change in your brow movement,
And those wrinkles in your forehead,
Captured my attention, and I focus on your face,
As your lips move and vibrate, I hear an echo on the background,
Your nostrils widen in between like a roaring lion,
Frightened as a lonely baby in the darkness,
I wrap myself in my arms, and an eagerness burgeons,
To see what you see through your lens,
It was not hard to conclude what you behold,
Inside that tranquility that exposes you to the outer world,
They may accrue accolade after accolades for your deeds,
But seldom care about what you went through,
I wish I could show them what I just saw,
A serene, life-full heart, filled with regrets.

Happy New Year 2068

Happy New Year 2068 to all Nepalese around the globe.

Motionless

I saw her face on the way out,

She raised her brow and glanced at me,

Those blue eyes, once so surreal,

Meant nothing to me, yet looked so shiny,

As tears fell down her cheeks, I just stood there,

She fell into my arms as if she has found her life,

I wondered what I have gotten into,

Her sobbing against my chest,

Thick brown hair all over my face,

I remained there as motionless as I could be,

Her kiss all over me, an utter silence that prevailed,

Smooth, sensitive hands ran over my neck,

Shaky murmurs, and those words of love,

Enshrouded the entire room, I'm still standing motionless,

No discretion was needed, no approval,

She just ran the show, an eternal enjoyment that came by,

Her sensuous touch beneath my flesh,

Made me shiver, and only to feel her grip tightened.

Where is the Brotherhood?

So I heard, moon and sun don't talk to each other,
A solitude develops in this galaxy,
Neither a hatred nor enmity that bitters this friendship,
Just two souls and their prides crucified,
A revenge that one seeks of another,
Hidden along the ray of dust, just hard to decipher,
A hostility that these have built over the years,
Shatters a fragile intimacy that holds them tight,
Other stars, asteroids unwillingly got dragged into this chaos,
The earth revolves around, stops, and sighs “oh what a mess, what a mess.”

As a gawking tourist, I got nothing else but to enjoy,
Take a sip of whiskey, laugh and smile,
As the thunder of their growling hovers the sky,
I step back, take out my camera, and capture those moments,
With no sense of attachments, no feel of ties,
I enjoy their battle, and intermittent cries,
Oh how I wish their grudge lasts longer,
For I cherish the turmoil in their land,
When their antipathy burgeons again, I smile back,
And reload a new film into my camera,
Their misery will make a miserable history.

Time has no beginning

Time has no beginning

Before I could even get back to my senses,
A ray of light breaks into my room,
Snatching away my morning dreams, telling me a new day has begun,
But, how much I adore the present state,
An intimacy of dreams and my wonderland,
How would the poor ray of light understand those feelings,

I stare at it for a moment, with a glimpse of hatred,
A sarcastic look filled with a pain,
Get away from me, you senseless, lifeless being,
Like a morning dew stuck to a leaf,
I wrap into her arms, her warmth gives me a hope,
Her whisper beneath my ears gives me a belief,
That this is the moment we ought to live, the moment we cherish day-to-day
The present has never been so joyful,

Like a bird leaving its nest at the early dawn,
With its toddlers chirping for its love, seeking its warmth,
In search of food, in search of a new home for its kids,
The bird flies away, away from its home in the real, cruel world,
A bullet swings by the bird, hits it in the head,
The bird falls down flapping its wings, feathers falling apart,
A blur image of its nest hovers over its retina,
The poor bird departed the world with a heavy heart,
Leaving his family behind, never coming back,
I could hear his inner plea, “Don't take me away from my beloved”
Let me see my toddlers grow, let them be an adult,
Who would hear the poor bird cry in this selfish world,
Who would let him survive for his kids,
I woke up seeing my dreams die like the poor bird,
My love is so close yet so far from me.

There is a gap.

The grandeur of increasing spaces,
Gratifying nerves that are held by,
Hypocritical idol that is revered for,
Poignant clarity to any doubts;

That won’t work either,
Overwhelming appearance of your sweetness,
Dispersing in the surrounding universe,
But, a parody of your beauty- to my perceptions,
Immense pleasure I would seek for-
To the poverty you innate through---Thought
Cannot predict what would go next,
You living in such misery of rationalism
Beside lie dark bands---
Even in the death lines,
How miserable you are and your feelings;

Gorgeous, blonde; no terms like that,
For you’re starving,
Starving for the creation,
And I cannot lie to myself.
No utopia as such
Empty ideals that race for-
An extolling charm beyond your reach,
You’re full, full of nonentity
Transfigure yourself—if you can
The only thing I could suggest,
A platonic welcome for certain—I would bestow
No more expectations,
As there’s always been a gap between you and me.

Happy New Year 2067(Nepalese Calender)

To all Nepalese around the World, I extend my greetings on coming New Year. Happy New Year 2067 to you all. I hope this year brings with it prosperity, peace and order in the nation, understanding between the political forces, and a constitution that defines the future of Nepal.